


Mysme Angst Week 2018

by God217



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, abuse tw, haha i hate myself lol, i may or may not have almost cried writing some of these, if you're not aye come on in, if you're sensitive i recommend staying away from angst in general, lol i mean obviously, probably a bunch of other triggers, proceed at your own risk, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/God217/pseuds/God217
Summary: Technically every week is angst week for me but ya knowMy time has comeAlmost each character has at least one fic (I'm sorry Jumin I swear I love you), Saeran has a few more lolIncludes minor/underrated characters like Vanderwood, Rika and Mama Choi (bc this is angst and I LOVE ANGST)Slapping a big fat trigger warning on some of these though, especially Day 7 I think ouch





	1. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran

Memories are what remain.

Memories of what he once had.

If only the memories were good ones, perhaps he’d even be content with them, but they’re not. None of his memories are good ones.

Not a single day of his past was good.

Mother would never let them be.

Saeyoung abandoned him, tainting the tiny bits of happiness he’d used to have.

He had nothing worth remembering, nothing he could think of to brighten his thoughts for even just a little.

And yet, he missed the past.

He didn’t miss his mother, not at all, but he longed for childhood.

He’d always believed that somehow, once he grew up, he’d be better.

He’d been wrong.

Long lost was the innocence of his early youth, but the pain had not only remained, but gotten worse.

The abuse he’d endured hadn’t ceased, it had multiplied.

There was no place in this world for him, and if he’d ever believed otherwise, he’d only been lying to himself.

Every single one of his memories could only confirm what he knew.

Mother beating him, screaming at him. Always blaming him for everything, starving him, tying him up.

Saeyoung choosing to leave him, the only person he’d ever known, his brother. Cutting him off completely, living a better life while he continued to suffer.

V, the man who’d been like a father to him, briefly. The hypocrite, who’d only lied to him, but they had turned out-

Turned out dead. By his hands.

Because Saeyoung had never abandoned him like he’d thought.

And Rika, his savior, had been the true liar all along.

Traitor.

She hadn’t really betrayed him, still the word seemed to fit.

Backstabber.

She’d done nothing but use him, and stupid as he was, he’d fallen for it.

He’d killed an innocent man, for her, because she’d blinded his heart just like he’d blinded her ex-lover’s eyes.

At least as a child, he’d never had painful memories on top of everything.

As a child, he’d feared his death, not longed for it.

He’d hated his life, but he’d wanted it to change.

He’d tried to believe that it’d get better one day.

Now he just wants it to end, he wants it all to be over.

He wants the memories to stop.

Silence.

Blissful silence.

No happiness, but that’s not new. No pain either.

Just… the end.

Would his memories leave if he died?

Or would they haunt him to the afterlife, never let him go?

He’d probably deserve it if they did.

But god, he can’t take them anymore.

He can’t take the nightmares every single time he sleeps.

The confusion he feels every time he sees his twin.

He just wants it to stop, he’s had enough of this world, but he’s not even good enough to die.

All he can do is sit in silence as the weeks go by, barely moving at all as painful memories fill every second of his dreadful existence.

Memories are all that remain for him.

He’s never gained anything else, even though he’s worked endlessly.

There is nothing else for him.

And Saeyoung promises that things will get better, that one day it’ll be easier.

But Saeyoung’s promised many things.

He once promised he’d never leave him, too.

So it’s kind of hard to trust him now.

It’s hard to believe him, when his memories tell him otherwise.

Not that he has a choice though.

There’s nothing he can do.

Nothing but remember.


	2. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Rika

Family is something that's supposed to be important, right?

At church, she was always told that her family would always be beside her, no matter what. And that sometimes families fought, but they'd always love each other in the end.

But was that really true, though?

Her mom and dad didn't seem to love her. They said she was the devil, and that they wished she weren't with them.

Would they really still protect her if she needed it? Still love her?

Or did those words she'd heard only apply to real families, not adopted ones? Was hers different because she wasn't really their daughter?

But then why did her real parents not want her?

And why did mother and father adopt her, if they hated her so much?

Maybe her family didn't have to be her parents, she realized eventually. Perhaps it could be other people, ones who really wanted her.

Yoosung, for example. He was family too anyway, right?

She knew Yoosung did love her, and she loved him the same.

But he was so young, so innocent. He'd never understand the darkness she felt inside, and she didn't want to trouble him.

V could be family.

He wanted to marry her, he wanted to be her family. He actually wanted her around!

For a while, she thought her life might finally change for the better, once she was with him.

She thought he would bring light and warmth to her life.

But soon she had to realize that his light was too much, it was blinding, and his warmth was a burning heat upon her soul.

Being with him destroyed her more than the abuse of her parents, because at least they had acknowledged her true nature.

They'd hated it, but they'd accepted it was there.

V said he loved her, but he didn't want her the way that she was.

He was trying to change her.

To destroy her.

Maybe he really was family - that was what family seemed to do to her after all.

Family is supposed to be important.

All her family had ever done was hurt her.

Abandon her in all ways possible.

Her parents were not family.

V was not family.

Even the RFA, good as their intentions may be, they'd never be family to her.

She didn't have one.

Her family hadn't wanted her, but she didn't want them either.

She was going to find her own.

No, she was going to make her own!

When she'd be in charge, nobody could hurt her, and nobody could tell her she was wrong if she were to decide on what was right.

She knew what was right.

And she'd make them see it, and she'd make them love her. Because if they wouldn't do it by themselves, she'd just have to make them.

They'd thank her in the end.

One day they'd understand.

Because that's what family's about, right? They might do things tht hurt you sometimes, but one day you'll see it was only for your own good.

One day you'll grow up to thank them.

She'd been taught that at church, and she knew it had to be true. Sometimes children don't understand they're being helped.

It's not their fault, they can't understand it yet.

But one day they will.

One day they'll realize that she has saved them all.

Because there is so much harm in the world, so much abuse.

But at the Mint Eye, none of that exists.

Magenta is the place where her devil can roam free, where the darkness has a home.

It's her paradise, where she can be herself.

And it's where all of her Believers will learn what happiness is truly like.

Because the world is a lie.

And she's the only family they need.


	3. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No character, focusing on the agency of Seven and Vanderwood in general
> 
> My colleague caught me writing this at work, made me let him read it and then just nodded in approval.

How many secrets can you keep?

Hush.

Don't tell.

Now cross your heart and hope to die.

Because when you tell these secrets, death is what awaits you.

Death for you,

And everyone you hold dear.

There is nobody you hold dear - personal relations are a thing of the past, not even that.

You never had anybody in your life.

Born alone.

Raised alone.

No family, no friends. Nobody, at all.

Because if there is only one person that you know...

They won't be there for long.

How many secrets can you keep?

There are more than you can count.

You are trusted, you won't tell.

Yet you are suspected, and the tiniest misstep is your fatal one.

Cross your heart and hope to die.

You hold the future of this agency.

And your future, in return, is held by them.

Protected, for as long as you choose.

Keep the secrets, keep your life.

Tell, and it will be the last action you take.

Tell, and say goodbye to everyone you've ever known.

Not that you know someone - of course you don't. You're an agent, and agents don't have anyone.

You can't ever love.

Because love will be your doom.

Emotions lead to betrayal, betrayal leads to horrible things.

Emotions are not meant for you.

You don't feel.

Just work.

The second you begin to feel, you will begin to think. And then you will fail, and punishment will follow.

Maybe you will be left unharmed.

Physically, at least.

It's your mind that will suffer.

Your mind, and those whose lives you've doomed.

Don't love.

Love kills.

And you don't want to be a killer, right?

Don't love.

Don't feel.

Just keep your mouth shut.

Protect all the secrets.

For the secrets are protection.

And in the end,

It is protection you need.


	4. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran

So many lies fill his mind.

Fill his heart.

Fill his life.

He's been told nothing but lies all along, ever since he was born. Everybody he's ever met has lied to him.

"I'll never leave you alone".

Lies.

Liar.

You left the first chance you got.

"We'll always have each other".

Where are you then?

Liar.

Nothing but a traitor.

"Paradise".

The biggest lie of all.

There is no such thing as paradise.

No such thing as happiness.

There never has been, especially not for him.

Maybe his mother was right.

She always told him he was worthless, undeserving, all throughout his life.

He's nothing but an airhead.

Everyone in his life has lied to him, yet his mother's words sound true.

Perhaps she was right all along.

Perhaps she looked at him, the day he was born, and she knew.

He wasn't worth trying.

He's never deserved to breathe.

Yet he was lied to, and he was made believe that he could.

He was made believe he had a future.

He was told he could have /her/.

He chose her, after all.

But she didn't choose him

Of course not, airhead.

Nobody would.

She just lied too.

He's not even mad.

He doesn't blame them for lying.

He just hates himself for believing.

After so many lies, one would think he'd know better.

One would believe that he'd learned.

He's too weak to learn.

He's too weak for the truth.

...Is that why they lie?

He can't handle hearing the truth.

Reality is not for him.

People like him don't have a place in the world.

They only deserve to be lied to.

To be betrayed.

He can dream of paradise only to watch it crumble apart beneath his feet.

Some people are born to suffer.

There can't be happy people if there aren't unhappy ones as well.

And he was simply born wrong.

He wasn't born lucky.

Only to suffer for the sake of those who were.

Sometimes, rarely, people tell him that he's wrong, and that he too can have light.

But...

He knows better by now.

They mean well.

But he knows they're lying.

Everyone lies.


	5. Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: V and Rika

Nothing but a couple’s conflict.

That’s what it was, it turned out.

If V and Rika had never met, never had a relationship, would any of this have happened?

Rika had had darkness within her long before, that’s true. But she’d never acted out.

She’d kept it hidden safely within, never to be shown to the world.

She was happy with that, at least it seemed like she was.

She was content.

But then she met him.

And, without realizing, he suffocated her with his love.

He loved her.

He was good to her.

Too good.

So in the end, all she did was because of him, because the darkness he’d made her repress had finally surfaced all at once.

It only took her over because he let it.

If V and Rika had never met, what would things now be like?

Where would everyone be?

Would Yoosung still be a model student, rather than a game addict?

Would Zen have any fame if he’d never met Luciel?

The twins, where would they be? Would they be happier?

Perhaps they’d be long dead.

Who knows what’d have happened to Jumin if he’d never gotten Elizabeth.

So many lives have been changed because of the conflict of one couple.

Some for the better.

Most for the worse.

If V and Rika had never met, neither the RFA nor the Mint Eye would’ve ever come to exist.

Nobody would’ve gotten hurt, suffered.

The elixir would’ve never harmed a single person.

But all the people the Mint Eye took in – where would they be?

All of them had ended up there because they’d had nowhere else to go, because they’d been rejected by the world.

If Rika hadn’t abused them, it would’ve been done by someone else.

They only let her do it as a last resort.

Without that last resort?

Maybe some of them would’ve found a better way.

But many of them might’ve not.

She’s ruined lives, but she’s saved them too.

Are the lives she’s saved worth living?

That’s debatable.

But is any life worth living?

It’s common knowledge that life tends to suck.

And if someone wanted out of it, they could hardly be blamed.

It’s really no surprise that the Mint Eye had followers in the first place.

But to think that it only existed because of a single conflict that got out of hand…


	6. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran/Ray
> 
> Angst week more like why am I like this

There is nothing he fears as much as the rage.

He can feel it inside of him, he can feel /him/.

Rage makes him come out.

So he tries not to feel it.

Stay calm, stay obedient, don’t feel.

Don’t feel.

Stop.

But he’s too weak to stop himself, as much as he tries to be strong, he is not. He can’t be, he can never be.

He was born weak.

He doesn’t deserve to stay around, but still he has to, because Saeran will cause pain.

Saeran always causes pain, because he’s full of rage, and he lets it out on everyone he meets.

Ray doesn’t want that.

As much as living hurts, it’s still better if it’s him.

As much as he wishes he could disappear, he can’t.

Because being gone would be the end of pain, it would be bliss.

And he doesn’t deserve that.

He deserves to suffer, he deserves all the pain simply because he dared to be born.

But as useless as he is, he has to at least keep Saeran at bay. Because even though his savior likes him more, he still can’t allow him to wake up.

He can’t allow all the rage to come outside of him.

So instead he takes it in, swallows it down, and pretends it isn’t there.

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

But he has to do it, because that way at least nobody will get hurt but himself.

He can let his anger out on his own body. It’s too weak and ugly anyway, at least that way it’ll be good for something.

It’s better than letting the other him hurt someone else.

It’s better to live with pain than to live with regret.


	7. Rejection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Jaehee

Rejection was something she was quite used to experiencing.

Her whole life had been filled with it somehow.

Not when it came to work or anything – she’d been lucky with her job. At least so she was told.

Accepted by the first company she applied to, and as chief assistant of the CEO nonetheless.

Aside from the fact that it was quite a… demanding position, to put it nicely, she couldn’t complain. The pay was good, the colleagues were nice enough. Not that she had time to talk to them, but still.

She was respected.

But it hadn’t always been like that.

Ever since she’d lost both her parents, nobody seemed to have ever wanted her.

She’d barely even had a home.

Threats to kick her out had been thrown at her on a daily basis, she had all gods to thank for being allowed a tuition.

Friendships had never been her thing, no time. And nobody wanted to be friends with someone who had no time, ever.

Relationships?

Well, she’d had one or two, but they’d never lasted. Same as previous.

There was no space in her life for anything but work.

Perhaps, aside from her family, she wasn’t as rejected as she always felt. Wasn’t she the one rejecting people?

She was the one who turned down invitations to spend time after school.

She was the one who stayed overtime instead of going for lunch with the other workers.

It wasn’t really their fault, was it?

But was it really hers?

She could hardly give up her entire life, her existence, for a meaningless chat.

As nice as it would be sometimes.

The first time she experienced anything even close to acceptance was when she joined the RFA.

Granted, unlike everyone else, she was only there because of her boss, not because she was their friend. But Rika seemed to like her nonetheless.

Rika actually wanted to spend time with her, and even managed to convince Jumin to let her.

It was awkward at first, because she wasn’t used to it. But it was so nice, still.

It felt refreshing to just be… human. Even just for a few hours.

Until Rika died.

And the RFA started crumbling.

And just like that, she was back to square one.

It always felt like she only existed to serve, and although she knew she should count herself lucky to be able to, after a while, it just…

It just hurt.

It hurt not to matter.

She did matter as an assistant.

But nobody cared for her as a person.

Nobody cared for Jaehee, it was all about Assistant Kang.

She was replaceable.

And when her work was done, nobody wanted her around.

She could count on one hand the people who’d been different, those who had loved her for the person she was.

She could count on one hand the people who had accepted her.

She visited their graves whenever she had time to spare.


	8. Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Yoosung

He’d never been all alone before.

Back when he’d lived with his parents, he’d been looking forward to moving out. Not that he disliked them, but like most of his peers he’d longed for the freedom of his own apartment.

Once he had it?

It was just lonely.

He used to have his parents around him at all times.

He had his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

Rika, especially. He hadn’t seen her every single day of course, but they’d spoken on the messenger for hours on end.

Now even his phone remained silent.

Sometimes his mother called to check up on him, every once in a while. As annoyed as he pretended to be, he always hated hanging up.

Rarely, some RFA member came online for a chat, but it just wasn’t the same.

Nothing was the same, not after Rika had left.

Died.

He still couldn’t believe that she really was gone for good.

He just couldn’t accept it, not without proof.

Because Rika wouldn’t-

She couldn’t have, right?

She’d promised she’d be there for him.

Rika would never lie to him.

And she’d never leave him alone.

But she had.

Alive or not – Rika was gone.

Wherever she may be, she was not with him, not with their friends.

The RFA too was falling apart without her, not that their new leader seemed to care.

He didn’t have any motivation to get back to studying like he’d had before, all he’d done had been for her, so what was the point anyway?

But without anything to do, all he had left was being alone with his thoughts.

And god, he’d never known his mind could be so dark.

Pictures of his cousin appeared in his head whenever he closed his eyes, but not the happy memories. Maybe he’d appreciate those. But all he could imagine were different ways she might’ve died, one more horrid and gruesome than the previous.

He didn’t want to imagine those things.

Yet he did, he couldn’t stop it.

He quit everything, eventually he stopped logging into the messenger, ignored his family’s calls, never went back to any of the places where he’d used to volunteer at.

He just couldn’t.

He’d probably missed several weeks of classes, without even noticing the time flying by. It was nothing but an endless cycle of darkness, sleep, lying awake. He barely ate, barely even left his bed.

At some point he had to get up again, had to at least go back to pretending he was fine.

Everyone told him to quit whining, quit being a baby.

And Rika had always smiled, so now he had to do the same.

But it was just never the same again.

Even on those days where he went to college, when he talked to his friends and called his parents.

On the days where he didn’t spend a second alone.

Even then, he felt lonely.

And the loneliness just never seemed to end.


	9. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Zen

According to his family, his entire life is a mistake.

Everything he does is wrong, all he thinks, probably even the way he breathes.

He jokes about how his good looks were a mistake of god, stuff like that, but honestly?

Maybe they were.

He loves his looks, of course. He loves his life, because he gets to do things he wants to do.

But still, maybe if he were born ugly, or at least average looking, then he’d still have a family.

If he’d never succeeded in pursuing his dreams – no, if he’d never had those dreams to begin with…

Maybe he’d be studying the law, or going to college for whatever. Perhaps he’d be a teacher one day, or a doctor.

He’d be making his family proud.

But he’s beautiful, and he’s a successful actor. And he loves it, but still.

He chose to run away from home, and he doesn’t miss the life he had.

But sometimes at least, he does miss his family.

Not the way they treated him. But he looks at other families, and he just…

In a way, he misses what he's never had. He misses what they could’ve been.

He’d been forced to choose between them and his work, and while he doesn’t regret his decision, he still somehow does.

If he’d never left, what life would he be leading now?

Maybe he’d made a mistake leaving.

But then he remembers the reason he left, and he’d definitely do it again if he had to. There was a reason why he couldn’t stay at that place, why he’d never be able to go back unless things changed.

He doesn’t regret leaving.

He didn’t make a mistake being born the way he was.

Not like he chose that. Nobody can choose how or where they’re born.

And it’s not his fault that his parents never understood that.

Or his brother.

Or anybody else in his family.

Well… he found a new family for himself. A better one.

The RFA might not be related to him by blood, but they’re still the best family he could wish for.

He wouldn’t ever leave /them/, and he doesn’t have to either.

Regardless, it would be nice.

It would be nice if his real family had supported him instead of forcing him out.

If they’d at least tried calling him only once, just to check on him.

He didn’t even need them to be proud, but they didn’t seem to care about him at all.

Did they ever see him on the news?

Or did they turn off the TV whenever it showed him, did they just cut him out of the family tree?

Were his childhood pictures still on the shelf, or had they been long replaced?

Maybe it’s better for him not to know for sure. At least he can make himself believe that they still think of him every now and then.

Maybe at least on the holidays they remember. Or his birthday.

He remembers all their birthdays, though he never dared to contact them.

If his mother called him, he’d pick up the phone.

He doesn’t know what he’d say, or what he wants to hear from her.

But he’d pick up.

She never calls though, none of them do.

It’s like he never existed.

Maybe it’s better this way. His brother makes them proud enough.

He’s fine.

He’s got his good looks, who needs anybody looking like him?

He’s alright.

He’s alright…

As long as he doesn’t remember that all he’s ever done were mistakes in their eyes.


	10. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeyoung
> 
> My fear is angst week in general tbh

He’s supposed to be fearless, and he acts like it too, but in truth, he really is not.

If you’re not afraid when people are shooting at you, then there’s something wrong with your mind.

How could he possibly not be afraid with the job he has?

Honestly, it’s not really his life he fears for. Though of course there is a considerable amount of adrenaline pumping through his veins during every field mission he goes on, the actual thought of dying doesn’t scare him much. His life isn’t exactly worth living, and personally, he wouldn’t miss it if he lost it.

It’s what he’d leave behind that worries him.

What would happen if he ceased to exist?

Right now, Saeran is safe because he does his job. He’s protected because, by working for the agency, he is creating a better life for his brother. That’s why he took the job in the first place, after all.

He knows that V would do his best to protect Saeran even if he were to die out there, he trusts the man’s promise, yet he needs to be alive to make sure himself.

He’s terrified by the idea of anything happening to his twin, especially if it were to be caused by him.

A secret agent is meant to be fearless, and they all seem to be, but are any of them truly free of fear at all?

He’s quite certain that they all have something, although none of them would ever voice it.

Giving away fears equals giving away weakness, and weakness is the last thing you can give away. If you give away weakness, it’s like an invitation to be harmed with it, it will be exploited and used against you first chance you give.

That’s why nobody knows of Saeran.

That’s why he acts like he has no fears at all.

But he does, of course he does. He spent three days stuck in a boiler room, praying not to get caught, no food or water, just him and his laptop. How could he have not been afraid?

Every smallest noise had put him on edge.

Would’ve done that for anyone. He doesn’t need to pretend when he’s alone.

When he isn’t though, he’s his usual self, never even remotely serious. It’s easier to deal with bad things while laughing after all.

That’s just how he deals with his fears.

He doesn’t.

He just pretends they don’t exist until at some point even he can deny them to himself.

That’s the only way he knows to survive.

The only way he knows how to save himself.


	11. Free Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Mama Choi
> 
> Well someone gave me the prompt death so I intended to write about Mama Choi's death but somehow it went into a completely different direction than I expected.
> 
> Now it's over 1000 words long and wooo I have fucked myself over again lmao
> 
> Moral of the story: Just be a decent person jfc

Her death was much like her life had been.

Dark and gruesome.

Nobody had been in her life, she never loved anybody and so, nobody loved her in return.

Her funeral was like her life as well.

Lonely, empty.

The sole man burying her hadn’t needed to wonder about why she’d chosen to end herself, after all, it was easy to see. He may have felt a pang of pity for her, since he’d never met her during her lifetime, and couldn’t have known the nature of the person whose body lay before him.

Nobody ever found out that it wasn’t a suicide that had ended her, nobody had cared to investigate. She was nobody, a foreign woman that hadn’t left her apartment at all, merely to buy drinks.

Her neighbors didn’t know her, it was weeks before anyone even found that she was dead.

No family, no friends.

It was a pitiful existence, yet there was nobody to blame but herself, for the people around her had long given up on trying.

It was never found out that the woman didn’t kill herself.

That she was, in fact, murdered by the one nobody would ever suspect.

She’d deserved it alright.

It’s wrong to speak badly of the dead, and justifying murder is a deed almost worse, yet there is no denying that the woman deserved to be punished.

She deserved to be killed, though yet death might’ve been too merciful.

Perhaps she should’ve been kept alive to suffer for what she’d done, lived hell on earth like the kind of hell she’d put her sons through.

Does she deserve to be forgiven?

Does she deserve mercy, or will she rot in hell, if it exists?

Well, she’s dead, that can’t be changed. Whatever happens to her now, no human can control.

An alcoholic.

An abuser.

Was killing her truly a crime, or was the crime keeping her alive for as long as she had?

Is it a sin to wish death upon another living being?

Her murderer will never be found, for nobody murdered her as far as people are concerned. She killed herself, and while that version may not be entirely true, she did cause her own demise.

Perhaps she truly did long for the end. It’d be strange to find that she hadn’t.

Who killed her committed a crime, yet she made the right decision still. It was wrong, but Rika is not to blame.

Not really.

It’s easy to see why she did it, why she had to.

Now, her actions are questionable without a doubt, not just that one, all of them.

She’s done things, many would never forgive her for.

But once one looks at her life, sees what caused it, can she truly be blamed?

Did that woman not deserve to be killed?

Did the people who abused her not deserve to be abused?

Nobody is born evil, but some are just made that way.

So who is really to blame?

Where was the start, who is the cause of it all?

Will we ever know?

We won’t.

Some may say they should all be forgiven.

Some may say they should all suffer and die.

None of them are right, yet none of them are wrong, for these are nothing but the insufficient opinions of tiny little humans that are nothing compared to the vastness of the universe.

There is no right and wrong, at least not in a way that a person could ever comprehend.

Fact is, things have happened.

And they cannot be undone.

But whatever the future holds, there is one thing that is certain, for there is one constant in the endless change if life.

Suffering and death, abuse and pain.

Those things are a part of living.

And the woman’s death was gruesome like her life had been, but had she truly chosen her own life to begin with?

Perhaps if she’d been saved, then things would’ve turned out completely different.

If she’d been helped when she’d needed it.

But nobody helped her.

So she turned into what she’d become in the end.

Maybe, just maybe, only one random act of kindness many years ago, it could’ve changed the lives of countless people.

If someone had offered that alcoholic, foreign woman a ride home, perhaps a meal and a solid job.

But who’d ever think that a small act like such would prevent all the pain that has been caused.

Who’d ever walk past someone less fortunate, and then take blame for all they’ve done?

Was it the woman’s fault that she never acted like a mother?

Then was it her fault she was killed?

And can she be blamed for bringing forth the darkness, the devil within that so many were forced to succumb to?

Or was it the fault of the people who made her, who created the monster that she was?

What drove those people then?

Perhaps one good deed many, many years ago might’ve truly saved them all.

A bit of spare change in a beggar’s hat might’ve helped one see light, might’ve made them a better person, and the chain of abuse would’ve been broken.

But that’s not how the world works.

In the real world, people get hurt.

Any nobody is there to help.

And that’s how the darkness will surface from within, because there is no one willing to shine.

The woman was merely one of many victims.

As many people as she hurt, she won’t go down in history.

Her name is not important enough to even be mentioned.

Her horrible actions are a daily part of life.

Because we, as humans, we are horrible and heartless creatures.

We refuse to see the bigger picture.

We cannot help all, so we refuse to help even just one.

But changing just one life could change so many.

In the end, the woman’s death was just as gruesome, dark and lonely as all of her life had been.

And god, instead of sending her to hell, I truly hope she can be saved.

Who cares whether she's done something to deserve it or not?

Save her.

Start with one.


	12. AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Rika
> 
> I've never been a fan of AUs, so have a simple "what if the RFA joined Mint Eye".
> 
> I hope this counts?

What if Rika succeeded?

What if everyone found her paradise?

Would they find happiness like she’d promised?

Yoosung, what would his life be like? He’d never go back to college, but would he play games while his mind was clouded by the drug?

Oh, but he’d be the easiest to convince. He’d do anything for his precious cousin, after all.

Zen might lose his looks once the elixir took effect on him, though he’d still remain the most handsome man at Magenta.

But would he still be able to act like he loves to? Would his mind remember the lines, his voice not break while he sings?

Rika might give him something better to do, something more productive. But would he truly be happy if he were unable to act?

What about Jaehee? Maybe she’d enjoy being free.

No more late night paperwork, no overtime.

No cats.

No free will.

And Jumin, member of Mint Eye, with endless financial and influential power.

With him, Rika could reach out to the entire world.

And with him as her ally, they would listen.

She’d be in control.

She could save them all.

One by one, she would save them, she’d lead them to the paradise she’d created.

And her twins would reunite, and she’d make them get along, for Saeran can never truly refuse any of her wishes.

He’d eventually see that she was right.

And they’d work together, and then nothing would ever be able to stop them.

It’d be so nice to have family back together at the Mint Eye!

And soon, the entire world would see her darkness.

And the entire world would learn to love it.

She’d make them.

She’d be the savior of them all.

But she’d start with her friends.

They deserved it the most after all.

So she’d keep them close, where she could nurture them.

And then she'd reach out to the world, and she'd do what many have attempted but none acheived.

She'd change the world.

She'd save it.

No more suffering, no more corruption.

The entire world could be paradise.

Her paradise.

It was never power she was after, she didn't care about ruling.

All she'd ever wanted to do was to help as many people as possible.

And finally...

Thanks to the sweet girl Saeran had found, she was finally so close.


	13. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Ray
> 
> Based on Day 10 of V's route, Ray's POV
> 
> Aka I have tears in my eyes why did I write this
> 
> Spoilers, obviously

You know, I’m really glad I got to meet you.

Even though you probably don’t feel the same about me.

Actually, I know you don’t.

Why would you?

I’ve only been fooling myself by thinking that you might like me, of course there could never be a chance. Someone as amazing and beautiful as you…

I’ll never deserve you.

I never did, and it’s nobody’s fault but my own that I let myself believe that I could.

I don’t blame you for betraying me.

I don’t hate you for leaving.

As much as I long to have you near, wish to be by your side, I know that you deserve much better.

I’m really happy, I am.

I got to be with you, even if it was only for a short time.

And I know… that you’ll be happy now.

You’ll be so much happier without me.

I never meant to burden you, and I never will again.

I never meant to hurt you.

Don’t forgive me, just… please listen.

Just listen to my apology, and you can hate me all you want, that’s okay. But I need you to know.

I’m sorry.

For everything.

I’m sorry for bringing you here when you clearly didn’t want to.

I’m sorry for thinking that I could be yours.

It pains me to see you abandon us all, but I will never think less of you for it. I’ll never believe that it’s your fault that they blinded you.

I shouldn’t have let you talk to them.

I should’ve protected you.

This is all my failure, not yours.

It’s my fault that now everything is ruined.

That even our savior has abandoned us.

I promised to protect you, but I failed.

I lost you.

I lost my home.

My only purpose.

I have no reason to be in this world, and I have no place left to go. Nowhere would accept me.

The Mint Eye was the only home I’ve known, and I…

I have no desire to find another.

I never deserved to breathe.

I was never meant to be born.

And everything hurts, so much…

I just want it to stop. Even though I probably don’t deserve that either.

But maybe it’ll be better when I’m gone.

I won’t be able to make mistakes anymore.

I’ll never ruin anything again.

I really am happy now, because I got to meet you.

And I just hope that you’ll come to not hate me completely one day.

I hope you’ll see flowers and think that I’m smiling at you, because I promise that I will, if you want me to.

I just want you to be happy.

And you can’t be happy with me holding you back.

There are tears spilling from my eyes, but I’m smiling now, because I know that everything will finally be better from now on.

All the pain is going to end, and you’re going to be living such a good life.

You’ll be living the kind of life I never deserved, and I am truly so happy for you.

Still, I can’t help but wish that I could be living by your side…

That wish was never mine to make.

Please don’t… forget me completely. Is it okay for me to ask that?

Is it okay for me to make one last wish?

I’m sorry if it isn’t.

I love you.

I love you more than I ever thought was possible.

Goodbye.


	14. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Vanderwood
> 
> As always, fight me on the pronouns

So many things they had to give up.

Not their past – there wasn’t much there they missed.

But their future.

And, with time, their future had become their present.

They’d joined the agency to leave behind their past life, their family that was probably glad they were gone. The friends they’d never had wouldn’t miss them, they wouldn’t miss them either.

It was only as the years went by when they truly came to realize what they’d sacrificed.

They’d never thought they’d find love in this dump of a world anyway, so back then they hadn’t cared about relationships being taboo, yet seeing happy couples living a safe, domestic life, well, they’d be lying if they said it didn’t hurt sometimes.

Knowing they’d doomed themselves to a life filled with blood and loneliness.

Knowing that they couldn’t get out if they tried.

There had never been a person they’d been close to, so they’d thought not being allowed one wouldn’t make a difference.

But it did.

Because as much as they tried not to get attached to anybody, it was inevitable to sometimes happen.

And it was just as inevitable for those people to end up dead.

Shot.

In front of their eyes, with nothing they could do to stop.

The agency didn’t care for the loss. Some sacrifices just had to be made to reach their goals.

Random field agents were expendable.

It was their own fault for befriending them.

What would life be like if they’d just gotten a normal job?

It was impossible for them to even imagine, the mere concept of a regular life seemed so ridiculous in their eyes.

Getting up at seven in the morning to go work some desk job, maybe they’d even be married by now. Have some kids or a dog.

Their biggest problem being bills, or that barbeque coming up.

Those people were lucky to be living in such ignorance to the true darkness of the world.

Sure, they didn’t have to care about bills, the agency supplied them with anything they needed.

But they might be dead by morning.

A single mistake could get them killed.

And even if they did everything right, there was still no guarantee they’d survive.

They’d sacrificed their safety for what they thought would be a better life.

They’d sacrificed their freedom.

Their entire being.

Now they were nothing but the agency’s puppet, mildly useful but easy to be replaced within a second.

“A better life”.

Did this even still count as a life?

They didn’t miss their past, not at all.

But they couldn’t help but secretly wish that they still had a future.


End file.
